In this first person account, Tara shares how she had a little help to wait for her new husband to come back home from his tour of duty.
We knew already when we were getting married that Trent was due for a six month rotation overseas. It’s part of life when you are going to be a military wife, but it doesn’t make it any easier to know he will be away for such a long time. We had time for a week of honeymoon after the wedding, then more training for him before deployment day.
About a week before he left, he brought home a pamphlet that talked about the stress of being separated and gave some tips on how to maintain a strong healthy relationship when one partner was away. He showed me the section on how I could sign up for therapy that would help me deal with him being away. He told me that a couple of his friends wives were going to do it and he thought I should too. I wasn’t entirely sure at first but the next day he brought home the forms for it and let me read them over.
I had never been to therapy of any kind before so I read them pretty closely. They were open about the fact that hypnosis was going to be used as part of the therapy and that I would be going under during the sessions. I’m not sure I even believed that would work. I’d seen it in high school at a party once, but to me it looked like the people who were “hypnotized” were just playing along.
I signed the forms and dropped them off myself. They still had time for me to attend my first session before deployment and they promised it would make saying goodbye easier to at least be started before he left on his tour. I went back the next day to get started.
I had expected something scary I guess? But it was actually pretty much like being at home visiting with friends. After I went in to see the therapist I sat in a comfy chair and we agreed to get to know each other. She prodded me along to tell her how I met Trent and what the wedding had been like. There was a candle on her desk that was making this wonderful smell. She obviously had the same addiction to candles I had. Pretty soon she was asking about high school and the sports I played. I kept noticing the flame on the candle. Just watching it. She was asking about my time on the volleyball team and our games. And then she was calling my name.
I had been lost in thought I guess. I apologized for not paying attention and she said it was ok, I had a lot on my mind. But, our time was up and she would see me again after deployment. That was the next day. It didn’t seem very fair to have to say goodbye, but he would call from time to time. And we could chat. And of course he would be coming home in six months.
We were still newlyweds so its not that we didn’t have sex a lot. But on the drive home, its all I could think about. I needed goodbye sex before he went. I stopped at the store and got some food so I could cook his favorite. And then at home, I got changed into an outfit I knew he would like. I felt a lot like a horny teenager as I made his meal. I kept thinking about how I was going to get sex and how good it would feel. It was past a want, I was all the way to needing it. More than anything.
Sex was amazing. Like really really good. And after he let me cuddle as I fell asleep in his arms. Heaven. The next morning we were both up early and I followed along with the other wives to wave goodbye. I was still feeling the afterglow of the sex. And I wasn’t actually too sad. I knew he would be back and I’d be waiting for him. And somehow, it just wasn’t a bad thing anymore. I kind of laughed to myself that even though I’d messed up the therapy by not paying attention I must have gotten something out of it.
My next session was to be a two hour marathon. It was hard to imagine finding enough stuff to talk about to fill two hours. But again once I was there it wasn’t as bad as I thought. She was nice and the room smelled like that amazing candle again. It was burning on her desk and as I settled into the chair she asked me what we had been talking about last time. Volleyball of course. The flame was flickering a bit and she asked me if I had felt shy in the shorts at first. She knew me well already. As bad as I had wanted to play I had been shy of the uniform. I wasn’t sure I was willing to wear the shorts but I tried out anyway. Tara. Tara?
Crap. I’d done it again, got lost thinking and forgot to pay attention to her. I started to apologize. And then I noticed the clock. Nearly two hours had slipped away while I was day dreaming. I felt horrible that I had wasted her time. And she had obviously not noticed I was paying no attention at all.
She was nice about it and reassured me that I had not been a waste of time at all. She gave me a little booklet to read about coping while my husband was away. And she told me that anytime I felt like I needed more help I could come back. Just call for an appointment. I was glad she was so nice, but I also didn’t want to waste her time again. So I promised myself I would make sure to get more sleep and drink more coffee before I went again so I didn’t ignore her again.
On the way home I remembered that I needed to pick up my next pack of birth control pills. I prefer to take them at the same time each day so that they work as good as possible. I’ve been on the pill since I was 14 so I’ve gotten really good at taking them on schedule. I wouldn’t really need them to protect me for a little while because he was away but keeping up the schedule would keep me on track.
The next morning it was time to swallow my pill. I took the package out and looked at it. Held it in my hand. They are so small. And they work so well. I’d never even been late when using them to stay safe. Sitting in the package. My brain felt weird. Good wives don’t take birth control. I couldn’t stop thinking about that as I held the pack. I’m married now. I put the pack back on the shelf without swallowing one.
I felt a flush of emotion wash over me as I walked away from the bathroom. A good wife doesn’t swallow the pill. Tingles spread down my chest and lower into my tummy, then down between my legs. It was unexpected. It felt like I was ready for Trent… but of course he was away. Feeling a bit guilty I got comfy in our bedroom. I knew what I was going to do. I hadn’t masturbated for a while. Trent was pretty good at taking care of all those needs. But this was different, he was away.
When I reached down to touch, I felt my arms and hands relax. My hands were over my lower tummy, but they wouldn’t go any further. I didn’t understand what was happening. I still felt the need just as strong but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach down to rub myself. My legs were wide open, I was ready… but I just lay there. I was thinking about Trent. He would take care of my urges. I was a good wife. A good wife lets her husband help with urges. My mind thought about sex, how he felt inside. I could feel myself soaking wet, ready, needy.
I read the little book an hour or so later once I was dressed. It didn’t seem real.
It explained that as part of my therapy I had been hypnotized and given suggestions that would help me while my husband was away. It detailed how the therapy made sure I wouldn’t cheat on him. It talked about how I wouldn’t masturbate and would just wait for him. And it mentioned that I would stop taking birth control.
Trent called the next night. Talking to him was so good. As soon as I heard his voice I relaxed. I thought about being penetrated. I could imagine it so well as he spoke with me. I felt myself telling him that the therapy was working and I was a good wife. He said he was proud of me. It felt so good that he was happy. I couldn’t stop myself from telling him my legs were spread. He asked if I was ready for him inside. Yes, I am. He told me I was a good girl. After the call ended I reached down to rub. I needed to release. I felt my muscles relax and I couldn’t reach.
I got brave enough to ask some of the other wives about it. The ones who had taken the therapy were all the same. We were just waiting for our husband to come home. One of them asked me if I had tried to masturbate. She had too. Neither of us could. We talked about how much we wanted an orgasm and how good it would feel to have one when they came home. We admitted that we thought about sex all the time. But we were also just waiting for it. Somehow it just seemed ok. I became very good friends with some of the other wives who were waiting.
I fell into a routine pretty quick. When I felt needy I tried to masturbate. And I’d relax and just think about Trent inside me. No touching, no rubbing. Just relax and think. Legs open. Wet. When Trent called, open again and thinking about him inside me. A good wife.
I kept track of what pill I would be on and when it was time I went for my next pack. I stacked it on top of the last one, still full of pills. Each day I looked at them when I would have normally swallowed one. And then put them back. A good wife doesn’t take birth control.
I had the date circled on my calendar for months. I had hoped that it wouldn’t need to change. And then it was finally time! Trent was coming home from his tour. I was ready for him. And it felt so good to have him inside again. I don’t want this to be a romance novel but it was better than it had ever been. He belonged inside me.
It has been about a year since I went for the therapy now. I did go back a couple times. The candle was always there and the appointment always went quick. Once I understood I was being hypnotized I didn’t feel bad about not paying attention. That’s just how the process works. You start to daydream and its over.
The biggest smile I ever saw from Trent was when the doctor told us that its a girl growing inside me. I can feel her kicking already and I’m getting used to maternity clothes. He says its good I can dress our first baby in pink but that there will be some blue later on when I have a boy for him. I have an appointment next week to see the therapist to talk about ways to make delivery easier. The other wives are going to go and talk about that too so that we are all ready for our babies. Next time our soldiers deploy we can keep busy hosting play dates for our kids.
