Jessica had her first pelvic exam a few days ago and wanted to share her story to help her friends and others understand what an exam means. Jess just started grade six this fall and is very mature for her age. She’s had her period for months and is close to being regular already. She tells us that she is growing up quick.
“I’m not a little kid anymore” says Jess, “I remember being a kid but that’s not me now. I think about boys and I know about sex. And like mom says, I can talk about stuff without giggling. That mean’s I’m big.”
Jessica is under 16 so she needed her mom’s permission to talk with a mentor from Stirrupz.com. Nicole is Jess’s sole care giver and had some questions before she said it was OK for Jess to talk by herself. “I wanted to make sure she was safe and so I read all the other information on the site and spoke to Jen myself. Once I felt confident than I let Jess talk directly.”
As part of Nicole’s agreement she is told about anything that Jess need’s help with, but not everything is shared. Jess gets to have her privacy too.
The questions Jess asked were about tampons and boys. Shes curious about both. Jess had a intact hymen that had not been stretched. That meant getting a tampon inside would be tough. And Jess wasn’t on birth control so if she tried anything with boys she would be at risk of an unplanned pregnancy.
It was clear that Jess needed to have her first pelvic exam. She was scared of the idea of having the exam but also nervous about talking to mom about it. To help Jess, we went over what to expect. And, we talked to her mom Nicole. That conversation led Nicole to booking a pelvic exam for Jess at their normal doctor’s office. We also talked about birth control options for Jess. Normally a girl her age would start taking birth control pills. But Nicole was worried Jess may forget the pill and didn’t want to chase her daily to remind her.
The left the options of the weekly patch that Nicole could check to ensure Jess was using it correctly, the implant or an IUD. Nicole chose to have Jess protected with an IUD. “I want her constantly safe so when she does decide to try something there isn’t a worry of pregnancy.”
IUD insertion can be painful so Nicole talked to her doctor about options for Jess. In the end, Nicole decided it was best that Jessica be put to sleep for her exam and insertion. That way, she would just wake up when it was all done.
The night before the exam Jess ate supper and then didn’t eat or drink again. Not eating or drinking keeps you safe when you are being put to sleep. Jess went to bed at her normal bed time. She says she was pretty nervous. “I knew I was having the exam the next day and was being put to sleep. Mom talked to me and held my hand at bed time. She kept telling me I was going to be ok and to just have a good sleep. I did fall asleep and wokeup in the morning when it was time to get ready.”
Nicole admits there was a bit more to it then just holding her hand. “I gave Jess some benadryl the night before to help her get tired and have a good sleep. I just stayed and talked to her as my baby got tired and then she went off to sleep while I held her hand.”
When Jess woke up in the morning she got showered and brushed her teeth. But she didn’t eat or drink anything. Nicole took her in for her 8AM appointment. When the two arrived at the clinic Nicole had to sign the forms because Jess is under age. “It felt super strange to sign the forms actually. It was just so black and white on the permission form. Put her to sleep. Deal with her hymen. Insert an IUD. It was so matter of fact on paper but in my head it was so scary to know it was time for my little girl to grow up that way. I hesitated a moment before I signed it but I’m glad I did sign. It was best for her.”
Both Jess and Nicole knew ahead the first step would be Jess swallowing a pill to help her relax. The pill would make it easier to get into a gown and also help with Jess’s fear of needles. “Jess swallowed the pill and then we sat in the waiting room. I could tell she was super nervous but I was too. We chatted some and I held her hand. But after a few minutes she wasn’t squeezing my hand as tight and she wasn’t really answering me either. She was just staring into space. I felt huge butterflies in my tummy knowing my girl was feeling the sedative already but I knew it was helping her. So I just tried to act brave for us both.”
The nurse took Nicole and Jess to a room for Jess to change. Nicole was happy to be there. “I didn’t want her alone with strangers. They let me be the one to help her get into the gown. She was basically stoned from the pill. When I told her to undress she did. She told me a few times that she was nervous but she just kept getting undressed and into the gown. We put all her clothes in a bag for later.”
Jess had to undress completely just like everyone else does – that meant taking off her bra and panties too. When she was ready for her exam she was wearing only the gown provided by the doctors office.
Nicole remembers that Jess was nervous about what she was feeling. It can be a difficult conversation for a teen and her mom. Jess’s nipples were erect and her vulva was wet when she changed. The pill helped her power through that but she still mentioned it to mom. Nicole reassured her it was normal. And, it is. Anytime we are feeling nervous and exposed its normal for our bodies to react in that way. It doesn’t mean we want to undress, it just means our bodies are working normally.
Next Jess got into the stirrups. The nurse helped her get into the right position and strapped her in. The restraints kept Jess safe from falling out and helped her feel secure as she waited to be put to sleep. Nicole had been nervous about how Jess would do with a needle. “She was relaxed from the pill and just lay still as they started her IV. She didn’t say it hurt and she wasn’t too scared.”
Nicole kept talking to Jess and distracting her even as she could see the doctor injecting something into the IV line. “I knew she was about to fall asleep but she didn’t. She was watching me and didn’t see it coming. I’m glad she didn’t, she might have worried. Jess tried to ask me whats happening as the drugs got to her, but I didn’t have time to answer, she just closed her eyes.”
With Jess asleep it was time for the hardest part for mom – going back to the waiting room. Nicole left Jess in the stirrups and went to sit in the waiting room until the it was all done. “I saw the tools on the tray and knew the speculum was for her. And as I left I saw them already starting to do the pelvic exam. I didn’t want to leave her there but those are the rules and I trusted them to take good care of her.”
As Nicole sat in the waiting room, the doctor took care of Jess. They removed her hymen so it would not be in the way, did a full pelvic exam and inserted an IUD inside Jess. Jessica was asleep the entire time and was not aware of anything that was happening and felt no pain.
“As I saw in the waiting room I saw other mom’s and their girls waiting. It was weird to see their girls getting sleepy too. I talked to the other moms. Two of them had girls who were getting put to sleep. But the third had an older daughter. She was just having the pill to relax and would be staying awake. When Jess is older she won’t need to go to sleep either. She will have the pill to relax. And when she is bigger yet, she won’t even need that.”
The nurse came to tell Nicole that everything went well and Jess would be waking up soon. Once she was awake Nicole could go see her.
“She asked me if it was done already. I told her it was. She held my hand and smiled. Then she asked me if it was done already. She probably asked that 20 times and couldn’t remember what I had told her.”
Memory impairment is very normal and part of the process of being sedated. In fact, its part of the benefits too. When Jess first woke up she could clearly remember getting changed, being put into the stirrups, having the IV and going to sleep. Within a few hours those memories were very fuzzy. And the next day things were different for Jess.
“I remember going to the clinic and taking the pill and talking to mom. That’s it. The next thing I remember is being at home after. Mom says I used to remember everything but I don’t think I ever did.”
Jess had some cramping from the IUD and some bleeding. Nicole have her pain pills the first day but by morning she didn’t need them. Jess was off school the next day but was ready to go back following the weekend.
Now Jess is an even bigger girl and on her way to helping others. Her quest to be mature is expressed most in the gym class locker room.
“I change like a high school girl. I take my clothes off and fold them and put them away. Then I get into the gym uniform. It’s ok to be naked for a bit while I do that. And after class I fold my gym clothes then I walk to the shower with my towel by my side. I don’t need to try to cover up like a little kid. Some of the girls giggle but that just means they aren’t as mature as me. They will grow up some day.”
Jess is mature in another way too. She gave her health class teacher permission to tell the other girls about the exam and IUD. That means they have a real life example in their own class of the stuff they’ve talked about in their female health unit.
“Every one of them is going to have a pelvic exam too. I’m just one of the first ones. And maybe they won’t be so scared if they know I lived through it too.”
If you’re curious like Jess, talking to your mom is a great first step. If you aren’t brave enough to do that, get in touch with us here at Stirrupz. We’d be glad to talk to your mom and get the two of you talking together. Remember, mom was your age too… she knows exactly the stuff you worry about and she’s there to help as you move from being a kid to a mature woman.
